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Tag: coping skills (Page 1 of 2)

How to manage anger and frustration effectively

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Anger is a very common emotion that most of us deal with. Anger exists for a reason. In certain cases when fighting for survival it can serve a useful purpose. However, in most cases in our modern lives anger is a corrosive emotion which tends to harm ourselves and others.

There are many common suggestions that are prevalent and widely accepted in dealing with anger. They tend to focus on the concept of letting off steam. The analogy of a vessel under pressure that may explode if the steam is not released. This concept is enticing. Many people tried and used non harmful aggressive behavior such as hitting a punching bag or screaming into a pillow. A detailed review of research reported in American Scientific Mind refutes the usefulness of this approach.

While this seems counter intuitive, the explanation is that anger is a form of arousal. Activities such as punching or screaming do not release the anger, they reinforce the arousal. A better approach is to engage in activities that reduce arousal. Some possibilities are deep breathing, listening to calming music or calming physical activity such as Yoga and Tai Chi. There are subtleties in engaging in more strenuous activities. Jogging was found to be unhelpful, possibly because of the repetitive nature of the activity, that allows for rumination.  Group sports tended to be beneficial, possibly because of the need for cooperation and empathy, and because you need to be completely engaged.

So when rage overtakes you avoid the common myth of letting off steam, you are not a pressure cooker, and engage in calming activities.

According to Feeling Angry? Chilling Out Helps More Than Blowing Off Steam by SOPHIE L. KJAERVIK, BRAD BUSHMAN in Scietific American Mind April 8 2024.

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The Challenge of Covid-19

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None of us would have chosen this challenge, but here we are. In this strangest of situations, some of us are overworked and traumatized, others are at home, unemployed and worry about their financial situation.

The first thing to do  is to take good care of ourselves. This is easier said than done and it includes the expected list of things:

Make sure to get a good amount and good quality sleep. Make sure to eat well. Exercise. Manage anxiety. Keep your space orderly and clean.  Limit exposure to news and social media.

These are all the usual pieces of advice that we have come to expect, but repeating these advices does not make them happen. What can we do during this lockdown period to try to adhere to these principles, and why is it more difficult than ever?

Most of us have lost the structure that underpins our normal lives, from going to work to visiting people, our lives have assumed an amorphous blob like property. Without structure we gravitate towards things that are easy and give us instant gratification, often not those things that make us healthy and happy in the long term.

Try and build structure into your disrupted life, both physically and temporally.

If you are working from home, try and have a designated work space so work does not intermingle with life. If possible, try and maintain work hours that are distinct from downtime.

If you are unemployed, try and add some structure to your life, learn a new skill if possible, take advantage of the time that has been forced on you to study that thing that you have put off for years.

Keep structure as far as going to sleep and getting up. Avoid the tendency to watch a screen into the late night and then sleep until some time  the next day. Keep a schedule of sleep as if you had some task to wake up for, even though this strikes you as slightly absurd.

Exercise is key and is as simple as taking a walk. We are blessed with wide open spaces, sidewalks and scantily traveled roads that allow us to safely go out. Spring, in spite of its back-sliding is coming. Walking will also help you sleep.

Not being anxious would be unreasonable at this time. The key is to not let anxiety consume you. Watch the minimum of news you need to keep informed, dwelling on every detail of the news cycle induces anxiety and does not make you better informed.

So we are here in this odd time, our lives upended, our routines changed. Being angry at the situation we have been thrown in is useless; looking for someone to blame, a waste of time.

The question is, is there something we can take from this time, something that can be positive.

We have all collectively been forced into what people often call a retreat. Seclusion , lack of many of our usual distractions, a simplification of life. Life being forced back to its bare bones of existence.

Maybe now is a good time for some introspection-is the frenetic pace of your normal life what you need and want. Is there something from this forced seclusion that you can carry back to normalcy when it resumes?

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Recommended: Mental Health Digital Resources

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Here are a few digital resources that I have found helpful. This is not an exhaustive list, but I have checked these out and found them to be good.

Wherever possible I looked for free apps. In no case do I have any commercial connection with these recommended sites.

Todoist

For people that suffer from ADD/ADHD , but also for all of us who want our life more organized and efficient.

This website and app helps you organize and prioritize your tasks. The free version is very good. You can pay and get some additional features.

There are many other similar tools. I found this to be the most friendly and useful for the lay person..

DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy)   is a collection of practical skills to help you better manage your emotions, stress and hence your life.   This is an app that lists all the DBT skills by modules.  You can create an “emergency list” tailored to your personal preferences.  This app will probably be most useful for people already familiar with this approach.

3. The motivation hacker by nick winter.

A surprising resource – a small book that describes how to set goals for yourself and how to get things done.  This appears to have been written by a geek, not a therapist. The book is based on solid understanding and research, and is better than many others written by mental health professionals.

OK, it is a book and not an app. But it is available  as kindle book and as a regular book. So it is included.

.PTSD coach

For people who suffer from trauma.

esense skin response

Biofeedback is a promising field.  It is based on giving you immediate auditory or visual feedback on a measured response that you cannot normally sense, such as skin conductivity (GSR) or an electrical measurement corresponding to of the tension in your muscles, (EMG). These types of response are related to factors that we would like to learn to control such as stress and hypertension. Research and clinical practice show that with a feedback, you can learn to control these functions. Most are related to the autonomic system – it is a way to reduce the activity of the sympathetic branch (fight or flight) and increase the parasympathetic branch, which induces relaxation.

Many apps carry the key word biofeedback, nearly all of them have nothing to do with it. Sometimes it is a general relaxation app with nice music. Sometimes it is an app designed to train you to breathe slower and deeper, which will induce relaxation. But you do not need the app for that- you can do it on your own. Breathing is partly voluntary, and certainly you know how to control your breathing if you pay attention to it.

Esense skin response is an actual biofeedback app that  uses the GSR(electrical conductivity of the skin). It does require a pretty large investment for a skin conductivity measurement attachment.

Cognitive diary self help

An app for Cognitive therapy for depression, including a cognitive diary

rejection therapy

A pretty wild approach  designed for people who suffer from social anxiety. Used to be an app, now it is a website. It consists in asking you to put yourself in absurd and embarrassing situations voluntarily. After you do it a few times, and discover that you stayed alive, you will not be so anxious in regular social circumstances. I did not dare to use it, but I believe it to be useful. Comes from the geek community in San Francisco. Essentially, it is a form of exposure therapy.

Succeed socially

A website full of articles, to help the “socially awkward” people function better socially. A bit repetitive, but informative. You can read it on the web for free, or pay and get it on kindle.

iSleepEasy

A serene female voice helps you detach from your day and take the time to relax and sleep, in an array of visualizations and guided meditations. You can control both voice and music tracks. Includes tips for falling asleep. There are many similar apps. I liked this one the best.

. Relax Melodies

A free relaxation and music app.  I liked the option of mix and match nature sounds with music.

Dreamboard

An interesting site for tracking your dreams. Your dreams can give you valuable knowledge about yourself and your life when you listen to them carefully and are able to decipher their code.

TED

A website that  will keep your brain alive.

If you know about any other digital resource that you found helpful, please let me know and I’ll be more than happy to include these.

Healthy Mind

An app designed to enhance your mental health. Relies heavily on mindfulness.

Virtual Hope Box

An app developed by the VA, intended to help people that struggle with suicide ideation.Facebookmail

6 evidence based tactics to Build your Resilience

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Resilience is the ability to manage the stress response. Managing our stress response is critical to us all so that in times of stress we may actually find benefit and not damage our psychical and mental health. Contrary to popular belief, stress in itself is not bad.  Stress can facilitate growth and self-esteem once we have mastered the challenge that induced the stress. Resilience   predicts success in many areas of life. We all face setbacks, but only some of us know how to respond to them creatively and productively. Many environmental factors are not under our control, but when stress arises, there are tactics that can build and strength our resilience, that are under our control.

Known strategies to build resilience:

1. Learning to accept ourselves, including our faults. This does not mean being complacent or and that we do not try and work on our faults but we should not waste energy on self-criticism. We have to work with what we have.

2. Learning to manage  stress and  regulate  emotions, particularly the negative ones such as anger, sadness and fear. This is extremely important when coping with negative events. The negative emotions, especially in high volume, can impair our ability to perceive reality, to think clearly and respond appropriately in a difficult situation.

There is a therapy approach, called DBT (Dialectical Behavior therapy) which is, really, a collection of skills for emotional management. DBT skills were initially constructed for borderline personality disorder. In my opinion and clinical experience, they can be highly effective for all of us in dealing with stress.

3.  Use of cognitive reframing. Many times reinterpretation of an event can give it a different meaning, which can help us cope with a difficult event.  We can reframe the source of stress as a challenge and not as a catastrophe or a negative event. Depending on the specific source of stress it can help to reframe in a less personal way. (“It is not about me.”)

4. Exercise, a healthy diet and good sleep habits all help us cope with stress.  Exercise has been shown to strengthen attention, decision making and memory. Of course we are always being admonished to live a healthy lifestyle, and this is easier said than done. Still it is important to recognize that these lifestyle habits we have will have an important influence on how we deal with stress.

5. Support system – Get support from friends.  According to some studies, this may be the most important tactic. Close friends help you vent, help with your reality testing, give you good advice.  Some people tend to shy away from friends in times of hardship. This is very unfortunate.

6. When things are going well tackle new challenges. If you dare to challenge yourself and get out of your comfort zone when things go well, you are more likely to be able to cope with less favorable circumstances.

Adapted from Southwicck, S. & Charney, D. : Ready for Anything. In :  Scientific American Mind, 2013 (5) 32-42.Facebookmail

2 Effective Study Techniques that work (and some that do not.)

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Effective study habits are critical throughout our life. We are particularly aware of the need to learn efficiently when we are in school, but it is just as important in our professions and in life in general.

Recently, researchers have done a meta-analysis, a statistical analysis of many studies, in order to use a data driven approach to figuring out the best methods for learning effectively.

Techniques found to be effective

  1. Active reading

For lack of a better name, I would call the first technique “active reading”. The writers of the article highly recommended doing practice tests, or to answer questions at the end of the chapter, immediately after reading a chapter. There is some evidence that trying to answer questions about the material even before reading is also beneficial. However, most of us do not read text books once we graduate; but we do read non-fiction, for pleasure or for professional reasons.

The researchers suggest a couple of practical techniques that utilize the principle of testing oneself at the end of a chapter. As you read the text you can write down key terms and concepts that you can ask yourself about at the end of the chapter, effectively generating a self-test.

Another approach is to persistently ask “why” in the manner of a curios toddler until you dig down to a deeper understanding of what you read, which will lead to  better retention. A variation on this, if you do not want to revert to the toddler mode,  is called “self-explanation”. In self-explanation you ask yourself what did you learn from the text, and how does  it relate to what you already know, or how you can use it.

  1. Slow study

The second technique that works is to spread study over time.  This, of course, requires organization, planning ahead, and getting over the tendency to procrastinate. It has been shown in many studies that knowledge acquired over long period of time – as opposed to a crash course – is retained better.

Techniques that do not work, even though they are very popular:

1. Repeatedly reading the same thing. There is some modest benefit after second reading. After the second reading no further benefit has been found.

2. Highlighting profusely. This may be beneficial only if it serves as a first step for active reading – by  generating questions and key concepts you will use later.

3. Visual aids such as diagrams, colors, etc. , except in very specific contexts when the material itself is highly visual, or the diagram forces you to rethink and integrate what you learned.

There is another technique that was not mentioned in this article, and I believe to be highly effective. When you teach others, you are bound to learn and understand better. At least from my experience as a tutor, in my college years, this was the case. This may account for the fact that sometimes  study in a small group can be highly effective.

Some people say that this is exactly what therapists do – teach others what they need to learn.

Adapted from:

J. Dulosky, K. A. Rawson, E. J. Marsh, M. J. Nathan & D. T. Willingham: What Works, What Doesn’t. In: Scientific American Mind, 2013 (5) 47-53.Facebookmail

Holidays Blues

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Many people experience stress and depression around the holiday season. There are many factors that can contribute to this feeling of stress. The incessant message of cheer and happiness can seem in stark contrast to our mundane lives and can accentuate our feelings of unhappiness or dissatisfaction. For those of us who are alone during the holidays, or not in a fulfilling relationship, the holiday is a reminder of our unsatisfied state. it is challenging when  many rituals and festivities during the holidays focus around family. Family itself can often be the source of stress. Families congregate during the holidays, old tensions surface, people may say tactless hurtful things. Indeed it often seems that, among our larger family, we revert to some earlier unfinished version of ourselves. For those of us who are alone during the holidays, the period of year seems to exclude us, as if we are standing on the outside in the cold with our face pressed up against the pane looking at the warmth and cheer inside.

If you don’t have family to be with and are feeling lonely and left out make an effort to comfort and support yourself. Do things that bring you pleasure. Be on your guard for destructive behavior that you will regret such as overeating and excessive drinking, which is a pale and false stand in for happiness.

There are additional sources of stress which may be financial, with expectations of gifts and particularly children’s expectation which may be difficult to fulfill. There are many complications over sharing family among sets of parents that expect you to come to one festive occasion or another.

Make an effort to remember that the holidays are meant to be a joyous time. If the holiday is causing you stress because of some demand on your wallet, your time or a strained relationship, take a step back and remember that you are in control. You can decide not to purchase a gift or can take some time to disconnect from a stressful situation.Facebookmail

…Some Like it Seven Days Old

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In an experiment designed to research the influence of environmental cues on our behavior, two groups of participants got popcorn in a movie theater. One group got  fresh popcorn. The other group got popcorn that was seven days old.

They ate the same amount.

When presented with fresh and stale popcorn in a different environment, a conference room, the two groups did not exhibit the same mindless eating.

The moral is that when you try to change habits, pay close attention to environmental cues and plan ahead,  rather than trying to rely on will power alone.

More about effective ways to change habits later.

Adapted from Neal & all  (2011): The pull of the past: When do Habits Persist despite conflict with Motives. In: Personality and social Psychology Bulletin, 37 (11) 1428-1439

 

 
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7 Effective Coping Mechanisms for Adults who suffer from ADD

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In my experience ADD in adulthood is often misdiagnosed, especially if the person happens to be intelligent, a female, or both. Many times the person is diagnosed as suffering from depression. The diagnosis of depression may be correct, but it is the result of the problem, not the root cause. ADD in  adults often leads to recurring failure and under-achievement and this may lead to depression.

Recommended book on coping with ADD as  adults:
Mastering Your Adult ADHD: A Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment Program Client Workbook (Treatments That Work)

This book brings helpful coping mechanisms for people that suffer from ADD. Almost anyone could benefit from using these skills.

The main skills discussed in the book are:

1. Get a calendar, whether a paper one, or a computerized. My inclination is to direct people to a computerized system, unless they are not computer Savvy. Most people with ADD have awful handwriting, and their writing tends to be very messy.

2. Get a to do list, organized by priorities, and with a deadline. People with ADD tend to go for low priority tasks because they are easier, or more attractive. Putting a formal list in place with priorities, helps people organize their day in a more appropriate way.

3. Learn how to break each task into small steps, so that they are not overwhelming.

4. Mange your environment, to minimize sources of distractions.

5. Find out  how long you can work on a single  task without being distracted. Use a watch for that purpose, studying your own performance as you go about your daily tasks. Once you have an idea of the optimal period in which you remain focused, break any task you need to do to smaller ones that can be accomplished in that time frame.

6. Deal with the depression that is associated with ADD, otherwise you will find it difficult to make the necessary changes in your life.

7. Learn better study skills.

While medication prescribed for ADD can be helpful, it is insufficient. Additional work is often required for the person suffering from ADD to reach his or her full potential.Facebookmail

Breathing Exercises and Mental Health

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The art of breathing exercises is an underutilized discipline that can contribute to your well being. From my clinical experience, breathing exercises are helpful in   decreasing symptoms of depression,  anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, and  improving concentration. They are a great tool for stress management in your life, if you go through tough times or life transitions.

Most breathing exercises come from Pranayama  – a fundamental part of Yoga. The basic book on this subject  is  Light on Pranayama: The Yogic Art of Breathing by Ayengar, a renown Yoga teacher. From these exercises,  “Alternate breathing”  is   the most beneficial  one for people that suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, according to my professional experience.

Most Yoga teachers do not teach breathing exercises in regular yoga classes, so you may need to ask for a private lesson. If you have never done it before, It is  advisable to learn under guidance.  If you have any medical condition, you may want to consult your health practitioner.

I know that there are similar exercises in martial arts. but I have not explored those. You may want to check with a local martial art teacher.Facebookmail

journal as a self help tool

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Many people use a  journal to enhance their well being and cope with variety of mental health challenges.  A journal can have a wide variety of uses. The Journal can enhance a persons creativity. The Journal may also be helpful in managing the writer’s emotions. The Journal may be a useful tool in delving into, and coming to terms with one’s past.

One technique is recommended in  The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity [10th Anniversary Edition].

The instruction provided in the “Artists Way”   is  to write what ever comes to mind. You should let the written words pour out in a stream of consciousness with no regard or concern for literary value. The method is based on the assumption that no one will ever see your journal so you are free to write whatever comes to mind. In fact you are advised not to look back and reread what you wrote. It is the act of uninhibited writing that is therapeutic. This technique was initially developed to enhance creativity. Clinical experience shows that it support mental health as well.

People that are depressed should be cautious using this method. For some, it can be beneficial. Others may find that this method exacerbates their depression . They may use the free flowing journal to dwell on minor faults  and sorrows. These people may benefit more from a more structured way of journaling.

One of the simplest structured forms of writing a journal to help alleviate depression is, at the end of the day, to write down three things that you are grateful for.  It is important to persevere and to write down three real things that are unique; not to repeat oneself day after day. As simple as this may sound, studies have shown a beneficial effect of this method. It gradually alters the way we perceive our world.

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