Counseling for Individuals and Couples
I have recently discovered a website called The Big Joy Project. This website is funded by a nonprofit and its goal is to bring more joy into peoples’ lives. The Website uses small and easily practiced exercises taken from positive psychology to help us find joy in our everyday lives. It is a small investment of time with a significant payback. The Website is https://ggia.berkeley.edu. I highly recommend checking it out.
This post references a website https://sorrywatch.com/
All relationships need maintenance, whether intimate relationships, close friendships, acquaintances or relationships with colleagues. Part of developing relationships, especially intimate ones, is to be able to get over disagreement, difficulties and harsh words that were said in the heat of the moment.
The website referenced above, compiles stories about apologies. Many of the posts describe deplorable situations where corporations or individuals made the situation worse by issuing a clumsy or mishandled apology. The “apology” was sometimes more hurtful than the original offense. The negative can be instructive, and at times amusing. There are also positive stories where an apology was well handled, and the difference is obvious.
The website also provides guidelines to a good apology. It is surprising how many people ignore the obvious.
To paraphrase those steps:
Creativity is a critical skill in life.
We tend to think of creativity in the realm of the arts, the novel written by a great author or a song by a gifted musician.
Creativity is a much broader concept and is important not only in creating new works of art but in problem solving and in how we face the everyday challenges in our lives.
Note that I called creativity a skill. We often think of creativity as a gift, as something we either have or don’t have, but creativity can be developed and learned.
Research into the creative process has found a number of techniques that can help unearth and develop our creativity.
The techniques have two main directions:
First let’s focus on techniques researchers have studied to help us get out of our mental rut. These techniques are meant to help us get out of our fixed thought process that impedes creativity. They are exercises designed to break our established ways of thinking
1. Generic parts techniques. Think about common objects in terms of their parts – naming those parts without allusion to their regular use.
2. Pay attention to sensory properties of objects-especially visual ones, and particularly those aspects that we normally ignore. Force yourself to notice.
3. Prime with a task that requires creativity -for example, come up with 6 alternative uses for common objects.
4. Perform a set of tasks in an unusual order, breaking habits where possible.
5. Cultivate an open mind. Allow yourself to think with minimal rules and constraints. This last suggestion is to some degree a restatement of creativity. It is worth stating because we are often not aware of the constraints we put on our thought process.
The second set of techniques are geared towards helping us tap into our subconscious which is not as policed by rules and regulations as our conscious thought is.
Adapted from:
An unscientific survey of those around us shows that people are stressed. Accelerated change in all walks of life is challenging and disorienting. New means of communication seem to reduce our actual interpersonal communication and lead to more isolation and splintering into ever more opposed and self reinforcing groupings.The political turmoil affects us. Many of us feel stressed and angry, often finding it hard to get a good night’s rest.
In order to relax, if we are to avoid the fleeting and ultimately defeating respite found in the medicine cabinet or a bottle, we need to find a means of relaxation within ourselves.
One of the challenges of relaxing the mind is the constant background chatter that we experience. This chatter can also make it difficult to fall asleep. Many well known methods for relaxation teach, over time, how to quiet this chatter.
An alternative approach, which may be easier and more accessible for some, is to lean into the chatter, but to redirect it.
Focus the mind on a subject, particularly an activity that you are interested in. Go into the most minute painstaking detail in planning something you like to do and even problem solving. This type of approach helps in two ways, it redirects the anxious chatter supplanting it with other thought patterns and it focuses us on something we enjoy, which is ultimately calming.
For example, I have clients who enjoy cooking who will plan out elaborate and detailed meals . These meals may or may not come to fruition, the planning is an end in itself.
I am a therapist and I believe in the power of therapy to alleviate suffering and contribute to people’s quality of life. I have seen it happen many times. In this post I would like to discuss some of the potential risks and side effects that are not widely discussed.
However:
It is OK to gauge whether there is a fit between you and your provider.
It is OK to check from time to time with your provider about the approach, directions, goals and the need for continuation.
It is OK to weigh the benefits of psychotherapy against the cost – what does it prevent you from doing because of the investment in both time and money.
It is OK to see your provider on less than a weekly basis, or as needed – provided it works for both of you.
My policy on terminating therapy is that if a client decides to quit therapy, I do not try to dissuade them unless there is a clear indication of danger.
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